I am beaten. These high numbers are too much for me to bear. I am not talking about a random high here or there. I am talking about higher than are healthy that I can't budge. I am talking about constant tweaks and emails with her doctor to try to bring them down. It is not working. We have upped basals, tightened insulin carb ratios, still not working.
There aren't ketones so that is good. It is not constant. She has been under 100 pretty regularly at the 2 am check. Yes, you read that correctly. We struggle with the highs during the day and avoid the lows all night.
I am tired and angry and frustrated. I fear the 10:30 am snack text knowing that she will be out of range and I am on edge until the lunch time check hoping that she will be back in range. (She isn't).
I am distracted. I have forgotten appointments. I am not fulfilling my commitments. I am hurting because I know this is hurting her. I think about the long term consequences of high blood sugars and my stomach turns upside down.
They say it is always darkest before the dawn. I need to see the sun.