I am beaten. These high numbers are too much for me to bear. I am not talking about a random high here or there. I am talking about higher than are healthy that I can't budge. I am talking about constant tweaks and emails with her doctor to try to bring them down. It is not working. We have upped basals, tightened insulin carb ratios, still not working.
There aren't ketones so that is good. It is not constant. She has been under 100 pretty regularly at the 2 am check. Yes, you read that correctly. We struggle with the highs during the day and avoid the lows all night.
I am tired and angry and frustrated. I fear the 10:30 am snack text knowing that she will be out of range and I am on edge until the lunch time check hoping that she will be back in range. (She isn't).
I am distracted. I have forgotten appointments. I am not fulfilling my commitments. I am hurting because I know this is hurting her. I think about the long term consequences of high blood sugars and my stomach turns upside down.
They say it is always darkest before the dawn. I need to see the sun.
Big hugs. You WILL see the sun again. We went through a rough patch last fall and I thought I was losing my freaking mind. And then....it all got better. The only think I know for sure is that diabetes will keep changing on us...sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. We've all been there, if that helps any!
ReplyDeleteThanks Stephanie - as soon as I published her numbers stabilized.
Delete"You Lord give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm, and put their trust in you." - Isaiah 26:3
ReplyDeleteHang in there, all of you. You're in a lot of prayers, including mine.
Thank you - love you guys!
DeleteI'm so sorry for your family's struggles with this disease. Sending you all of our love and wishes for a brighter tomorrow....
ReplyDeleteThank you I am in a much better place now.
DeleteYou will get her down. Sometimes it takes time to figure things out.... sometimes they are just insulin resistant and no matter how much insulin you increase, it's useless.... usually during a strong growth spurt. At a certain point they will respond and turn the corner. Highs during the day and low at night? Keep ramping up the temp basal, decrease insulin to carb ratio and check BS every two hours. I would rather be high during the day than at night cause at least you up awake to deal with it. By the time I write this post, she will probably have already turned the corner.
ReplyDeleteThanks Anon - we have had a much better week this week.
DeleteWell I'm really behind on blog reading. I'm so sorry you were having a rough time, but glad things are going better. At least it seems so from the comments above.
ReplyDeleteGlad you can vent here when those hard times gone. We're all in it together!
I'm just now reading this post and am hoping this rough patch has passed. The highs are so frustrating and hard to deal with. I can so understand your feelings.
ReplyDelete