Thursday, January 26, 2012

Rough Patch

I am beaten. These high numbers are too much for me to bear. I am not talking about a random high here or there. I am talking about higher than are healthy that I can't budge. I am talking about constant tweaks and emails with her doctor to try to bring them down.  It is not working.  We have upped basals, tightened insulin carb ratios, still not working. 

There aren't ketones so that is good. It is not constant. She has been under 100 pretty regularly at the 2 am check.  Yes, you read that correctly. We struggle with the highs during the day and avoid the lows all night.

I am tired and angry and frustrated. I fear the 10:30 am snack text knowing that she will be out of range and I am on edge until the lunch time check hoping that she will be back in range. (She isn't).

I am distracted. I have forgotten appointments. I am not fulfilling my commitments.  I am hurting because I know this is hurting her.  I think about the long term consequences of high blood sugars and my stomach turns upside down.  

They say it is always darkest before the dawn.  I need to see the sun.

Monday, January 16, 2012

1 Year of Blogging

One year ago today I started this blog because I felt lost.  My daughter had been diagnosed with diabetes and I was overwhelmed.  Then, she got sick for the first time since diagnosis.  I had all of these thoughts and feelings flying around in my head and I knew if I didn't get them out, I would go crazy.  So I wrote about those scary 24 hours and I felt better.
Things have come a long way in a year.  We have come a long way in a year.  Are there times I still feel overwhelmed by diabetes? Of course.  But now I have found a whole community of people who understand what I am going through and help me to see we are not alone.  I have also gained confidence in my ability to care for my daughter.  Are there times that I feel confused? Of course.  But now I know that is how it will be with diabetes.  Diabetes doesn't always make sense and the more I accept that the easier my road is.
Thank you for being a part of our journey so far and I hope you continue with us on Our Type 1 Trip...